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| | [Once they get to his room, he closes the door behind them.] I wouldn't force you to say anything you're not comfortable saying, even if I could. [He turns to Apollo and gently takes his hands again, leading him to sit on the bed with Akira.] I'm just worried. And I think, from the little I know of you... that you would be too if someone you cared about called themselves "useless". |
[ Oh... He looks around, and there's a hint of surprise as he finds himself being coaxed to sit on Akira's bed with him.
He doesn't fight any of it, and Akira probably can feel that he's absolutely welcoming all of this physical contact between them. He'd even welcome more, to be frank. ]
Ah...
[ There's no surprise at Akira blatantly implying he cares about him. If anything, there's a sad kind of smile as he looks away. ]
You don't need to worry about me, Akira... [ a flurry of guilt and the heaviness of depression ] It's for the better that you don't. Better for you not to...
He doesn't fight any of it, and Akira probably can feel that he's absolutely welcoming all of this physical contact between them. He'd even welcome more, to be frank. ]
Ah...
[ There's no surprise at Akira blatantly implying he cares about him. If anything, there's a sad kind of smile as he looks away. ]
You don't need to worry about me, Akira... [ a flurry of guilt and the heaviness of depression ] It's for the better that you don't. Better for you not to...
| | It isn't better for you. [He absolutely can feel how he welcomes the physical contact, so... he lets go of his hands and wraps his arms around him once more, gently firming the embrace.] I'm here for you, Apollon. And I'm not going anywhere. |
[ He tenses a little, but Akira should be able to gather that it's from the words - only the words. ]
Akira...
[ Try as he might, there's no helping the brief tremble as he continues to look away. His voice is a whisper. ]
... You're making a mistake.
Akira...
[ Try as he might, there's no helping the brief tremble as he continues to look away. His voice is a whisper. ]
... You're making a mistake.
| | [Ah, all of this... has his throat tightening. He swallows a little, and offers him a gentle squeeze. His tone is calm and warm as he responds:] I'm okay with that. |
[ Something dark and unpleasant slips through the cracks, right on into his emotions and he releases a shaky breath. He's shaking his head. ]
Don't...
[ Though, even now, there's something gentle within that single word. He very genuinely doesn't want to hurt Akira. There's so much fear and self-loathing within him as he slowly pulls away. ]
You don't understand, but it's really better that my emotions are left as they are. This is what I-...
[ He releases a shallow breath. ]
I should really go.
[ Even though he doesn't entirely want to. ]
Don't...
[ Though, even now, there's something gentle within that single word. He very genuinely doesn't want to hurt Akira. There's so much fear and self-loathing within him as he slowly pulls away. ]
You don't understand, but it's really better that my emotions are left as they are. This is what I-...
[ He releases a shallow breath. ]
I should really go.
[ Even though he doesn't entirely want to. ]
| | [But what if Akira very gently holds him in place? It's not an overly firm hold; if Apollon really put the effort in, he could break free of it. It's just enough, a softly unspoken command: Stay.] I don't understand. But that's why I brought you here. Because I want to. [He rubs a slow circle into Apollon's back.] Please help me understand. |
[ His next exhale is shaky, but he relents quickly. There's a burning kind of pain now, but he lets himself relax against Akira.
A quiet sound slips out, almost like a whimper, but he clenches his jaw and holds a blink, falling quiet for a moment. ]
You're a very stubborn person. Very stubborn for friends. That's why they picked you to help people. But some- Not everyone deserves help.
Some deserve to suffer.
[ Another shaky breath escapes. ]
Deserve to live with their sins.
[ He's curling into himself a little, sounding more desperate. ]
So... stop this.
A quiet sound slips out, almost like a whimper, but he clenches his jaw and holds a blink, falling quiet for a moment. ]
You're a very stubborn person. Very stubborn for friends. That's why they picked you to help people. But some- Not everyone deserves help.
Some deserve to suffer.
[ Another shaky breath escapes. ]
Deserve to live with their sins.
[ He's curling into himself a little, sounding more desperate. ]
So... stop this.
| | [...ah... He holds a blink, swallowing thickly at that pain and at the words. He continues to rub Apollon's back.] Some people do. [He agrees.] People who don't understand the weight of their sins... People who destroy others and find pleasure in it... Those are the kinds of people that deserve to suffer. And then some people are just too hard on themselves, full of regret of things they wish they could've done differently. Those are the people who deserve help. |
[ He's letting out a tense breath, his eyes widening at those words.
... Yet he doesn't entirely feel surprised. Maybe at just how it feels to hear them said - he knew Akira would be like this, but that didn't tell him much about how he'd be towards him. He can't, after all, see his own future the same way he can see that of others.
Now he's shaking his head, pulling back completely. ]
Don't!
[ There's desperation in that word, and he's trembling as he moves to stand. To just... put space between them. That's what he needs, right? ]
I don't deserve that-! [ tears starting to pour down his face, and it hurts... so much ] Happiness... understanding...
You don't understand. I didn't come here to find that... [ a quiet sob slipping out as he turns to hurry over to the door ] I came to erase it!
[ His pain is not the bitter kind nor is it something that burns. It's something crushing, suffocating... and very dark. ]
... Yet he doesn't entirely feel surprised. Maybe at just how it feels to hear them said - he knew Akira would be like this, but that didn't tell him much about how he'd be towards him. He can't, after all, see his own future the same way he can see that of others.
Now he's shaking his head, pulling back completely. ]
Don't!
[ There's desperation in that word, and he's trembling as he moves to stand. To just... put space between them. That's what he needs, right? ]
I don't deserve that-! [ tears starting to pour down his face, and it hurts... so much ] Happiness... understanding...
You don't understand. I didn't come here to find that... [ a quiet sob slipping out as he turns to hurry over to the door ] I came to erase it!
[ His pain is not the bitter kind nor is it something that burns. It's something crushing, suffocating... and very dark. ]
Edited 2019-11-21 19:30 (UTC)
| | [Akira's breath catches. The same time that Apollon starts to cry, tears start flowing from his own eyes. His brow creases, pain clear on his own face. Pain for Apollon. The words that come next squeeze his heart in a vice grip. His expression practically crumples. And the pain... This dark pain... Has him blinking hard and taking in an unsteady breath as he gets up off the bed.] Apollon... wait. [He swallows thickly.] ... I want it. [He looks at him, tears still rolling down his cheeks.] Regardless of your deserving it, I want you to be happy. I want you to understand you. I like when you smile, and I want to see one from the heart. |
[ There's a lot of hesitation, and he doesn't seem willing to stop - not until he hears the second thing out of Akira's mouth. He grits his teeth and glares down at the floor. ]
You don't even know me...
[ It's partially sobbed out. In the next moment, he's gripping his chest, and it looks like he's in pain. He releases a slow, shaky breath. ]
Please stop...
[ Well, that's all he gets out, voice trembling, before he collapses suddenly.
You could say
he's out like a light. ]
You don't even know me...
[ It's partially sobbed out. In the next moment, he's gripping his chest, and it looks like he's in pain. He releases a slow, shaky breath. ]
Please stop...
[ Well, that's all he gets out, voice trembling, before he collapses suddenly.
You could say
he's out like a light. ]
| | [He's about to say something else, when he begs, and then all of a sudden... Akira's breath catches as he collapses. Unfortunately, he isn't quite fast enough to catch him... but, he does immediately come to his side, hand reaching out to gently cradle his head.] Hey...! |
[He's bringing them over to his bed and sitting them down, releasing a tense breath.]
It's more than not giving up. It saps you of your energy. It makes it harder to think.
You're going to need to be in top shape if you're going to help us save the universe.
It's more than not giving up. It saps you of your energy. It makes it harder to think.
You're going to need to be in top shape if you're going to help us save the universe.
[He didn't exactly walk over expecting to be manhandled? But he lets Akira drag him around.]
Akira, need I remind you this was literally my day job? Am I fine with the fact that my lover is dying and the ruination of the game means I murdered those people for nothing? No. I am not.
But I've done my job half-dead, possessed, with dead friends, with the lives of friends on the line, and while literally having my energy sapped.
You needn't worry.
Akira, need I remind you this was literally my day job? Am I fine with the fact that my lover is dying and the ruination of the game means I murdered those people for nothing? No. I am not.
But I've done my job half-dead, possessed, with dead friends, with the lives of friends on the line, and while literally having my energy sapped.
You needn't worry.
[He lets go of him.]
Or maybe you just want to avoid being emotionally vulnerable.
Or maybe you just want to avoid being emotionally vulnerable.
Well that's a given. I don't really do any form of vulnerability.
[There's a dark sort of amusement there, twisting around the pain.]
[There's a dark sort of amusement there, twisting around the pain.]
| | That's part of why you became Tiernan, isn't it? [He looks back at him.] He's your shield from the world. |
Psychoanalyzing Elthinion now? I serve a number of purposes, Akira, I'm flexible like that.
[The tinge of exhaustion is subtle but there in his emotions.]
Perhaps I am the world's shield from him.
[The tinge of exhaustion is subtle but there in his emotions.]
Perhaps I am the world's shield from him.
[Yeah he's psychoanalyzing Elthinion, fight him.]
That kind of seems like a depressing way to look at it.
[And also kind of narcissistic but that's neither here nor there.]
But it explains how you stay so emotionally detached to a lot of things.
It's because you are.
That kind of seems like a depressing way to look at it.
[And also kind of narcissistic but that's neither here nor there.]
But it explains how you stay so emotionally detached to a lot of things.
It's because you are.
Is it? I find it reassuring, actually.
[Anyway, it's not narcissism if you really are capable of throwing the world into chaos.]
Of course I am. It's easier to think that way, to make my decisions based on thought instead of impulse. Though I've formed some rather dangerous attachments in this world.
[Anyway, it's not narcissism if you really are capable of throwing the world into chaos.]
Of course I am. It's easier to think that way, to make my decisions based on thought instead of impulse. Though I've formed some rather dangerous attachments in this world.
[He raises an eyebrow at that.] Yeah?
[There's a soft hum at that.] Yeah, but... If you cut yourself away from pain, you're cutting yourself off of pleasure too.
Can't have one without the other.
[He takes a seat on the bed, hands placed on the edge. He stares down at the ground.]
I don't claim to know everything. But... [His brow furrows.] You know, there's a time and place for everything. Maybe impulse isn't always the smartest thing. But it shows people how much you care. How strongly you feel.
[He looks up to Tiernan.] It's how you connect.
[There's a soft hum at that.] Yeah, but... If you cut yourself away from pain, you're cutting yourself off of pleasure too.
Can't have one without the other.
[He takes a seat on the bed, hands placed on the edge. He stares down at the ground.]
I don't claim to know everything. But... [His brow furrows.] You know, there's a time and place for everything. Maybe impulse isn't always the smartest thing. But it shows people how much you care. How strongly you feel.
[He looks up to Tiernan.] It's how you connect.
[ Room 504 is officially open most of the time. At least to certain people, especially ones named Akira. The room is mostly empty and looks very similar to the way it was when the human was last in it.
With one change. A set of french doors that lead out to a balcony. Both of which are open and one of the room's occupants can be found out there, arms leaning against the railing.
Astaroth doesn't look back at his guest. ]
Do you know how long it's been since I've really visited the human world?
With one change. A set of french doors that lead out to a balcony. Both of which are open and one of the room's occupants can be found out there, arms leaning against the railing.
Astaroth doesn't look back at his guest. ]
Do you know how long it's been since I've really visited the human world?
[Akira quietly comes up beside the demon, hands in his pockets. He's wondered about the changing room, actually, but when he thinks to ask Astaroth about it, he's already being spoken to about something else.]
Around five hundred years?
Around five hundred years?
| | [ A faint smile but there's a lot more amusement underneath the surface. He doesn't hesitate to lean towards the human a little, pressing their arms together. ] A lot longer than that. My job's kept me down here for the most part. Sometimes you get a summons and humans want stuff from you but that's always temporary. [ Astaroth glances at Akira. ] Plus that counts as work. My last visit was back during the days when people in Egypt were all into worshipping their gods. I spent a lot of time there as Astarte. They even believed her to be one of their goddesses. |
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