[ Oh... He looks around, and there's a hint of surprise as he finds himself being coaxed to sit on Akira's bed with him.
He doesn't fight any of it, and Akira probably can feel that he's absolutely welcoming all of this physical contact between them. He'd even welcome more, to be frank. ]
Ah...
[ There's no surprise at Akira blatantly implying he cares about him. If anything, there's a sad kind of smile as he looks away. ]
You don't need to worry about me, Akira... [ a flurry of guilt and the heaviness of depression ] It's for the better that you don't. Better for you not to...
[He absolutely can feel how he welcomes the physical contact, so... he lets go of his hands and wraps his arms around him once more, gently firming the embrace.]
I'm here for you, Apollon. And I'm not going anywhere.
[ Something dark and unpleasant slips through the cracks, right on into his emotions and he releases a shaky breath. He's shaking his head. ]
Don't...
[ Though, even now, there's something gentle within that single word. He very genuinely doesn't want to hurt Akira. There's so much fear and self-loathing within him as he slowly pulls away. ]
You don't understand, but it's really better that my emotions are left as they are. This is what I-...
He holds a blink, swallowing thickly at that pain and at the words. He continues to rub Apollon's back.]
Some people do.
[He agrees.]
People who don't understand the weight of their sins... People who destroy others and find pleasure in it... Those are the kinds of people that deserve to suffer.
And then some people are just too hard on themselves, full of regret of things they wish they could've done differently.
[ He's letting out a tense breath, his eyes widening at those words.
... Yet he doesn't entirely feel surprised. Maybe at just how it feels to hear them said - he knew Akira would be like this, but that didn't tell him much about how he'd be towards him. He can't, after all, see his own future the same way he can see that of others.
Now he's shaking his head, pulling back completely. ]
Don't!
[ There's desperation in that word, and he's trembling as he moves to stand. To just... put space between them. That's what he needs, right? ]
I don't deserve that-! [ tears starting to pour down his face, and it hurts... so much ] Happiness... understanding...
You don't understand. I didn't come here to find that... [ a quiet sob slipping out as he turns to hurry over to the door ] I came to erase it!
[ His pain is not the bitter kind nor is it something that burns. It's something crushing, suffocating... and very dark. ]
The same time that Apollon starts to cry, tears start flowing from his own eyes. His brow creases, pain clear on his own face. Pain for Apollon.
The words that come next squeeze his heart in a vice grip. His expression practically crumples. And the pain... This dark pain... Has him blinking hard and taking in an unsteady breath as he gets up off the bed.]
Apollon... wait.
[He swallows thickly.]
... I want it.
[He looks at him, tears still rolling down his cheeks.]
Regardless of your deserving it, I want you to be happy. I want you to understand you.
I like when you smile, and I want to see one from the heart.
[ There's a lot of hesitation, and he doesn't seem willing to stop - not until he hears the second thing out of Akira's mouth. He grits his teeth and glares down at the floor. ]
You don't even know me...
[ It's partially sobbed out. In the next moment, he's gripping his chest, and it looks like he's in pain. He releases a slow, shaky breath. ]
Please stop...
[ Well, that's all he gets out, voice trembling, before he collapses suddenly.
[He's about to say something else, when he begs, and then all of a sudden...
Akira's breath catches as he collapses. Unfortunately, he isn't quite fast enough to catch him... but, he does immediately come to his side, hand reaching out to gently cradle his head.]
[ He's fortunately only out for about ten seconds...
There's a quiet sound as he reaches for his head, and then looks up at Akira. ]
Ah...
[ Immediately, his cheeks are flushing and he looks away, clearly embarrassed by how he was acting. ]
... Exhaustion. I haven't been sleeping well.
[ Which is to say he wants Akira to understand that this isn't his fault. Nevermind that it's clear he's holding something back there - like how he actually hasn't been sleeping, at all. He moves to sit up. For now, he doesn't say anything else. ]
[He relaxes a little when Apollon accepts, and there's no hesitation to bring him over to his bed. He doesn't plan on sleeping awhile himself, anyway, and he could figure out something else if he really had to— if the god ended up comaing.
There's a glance to that expression, and the tiredness he sees there seems to go soul-deep. His hand comes up to rub the blond's back.]
[ Oh... Akira's bed. There's a hint of fluster even if it doesn't show on his face. He simply smiles - one that doesn't reach his eyes, unfortunately.
He hesitates just for a moment before lying down - shoes off first, of course, and after giving Akira a small smile in response to the hand on his back.
There's a lot of hesitance before he answers the question. It's glaringly obvious that he's feeling like even this is far more than he deserves. ]
[... the hint of fluster makes Akira a little flustered himself, but he's quickly distracted again by the overall state of Apollon.
... yeah, it really is obvious, and it hurts. Akira may not know the god well at all, but he has a gut feeling: there's a good person in there, somewhere, who needs help. A good person who is so resolutely loyal to whatever ideals he has that he can't bear to forgive himself of his transgressions of them.
There's a painful desire within Akira to dampen some of that self-loathing, and maybe if he wasn't a god, he would. Just enough to get him to accept Akira's help.
A gentle nod.]
Okay. Make yourself comfortable.
[He can get under then sheets if he needs to, or get into whatever position is most comfortable for him.
And then Akira takes a seat next to him and begins to soothe his emotions. Anxiety or worry— emotions of this nature will be dampened while a sense of security and calm are coaxed within him.
He reaches out, gently brushing some of the bangs out of Apollon's face. Quietly, he prays that part of this horrible depression stems from the lack of sleep he's gotten. Maybe, once he's fully rested, he would be more open to getting the help he needs.
[ He feels flustered enough without getting under the sheets, but he is absolutely going to pause... and then sit up. He can't sleep with a shirt on, so he's just. Going to remove that. He's, uh... far more built than his clothes would imply, since he typically wears them just loose enough that it's hidden.
After loosely folding that, he'll set it next to him and lie back down. He closes his eyes, taking a deep breath.
It's after those negative feelings seem to shift out of the picture, gradually replaced with some calm and security, there's... a brief struggle against it for now. It's actually not altogether intentional - more like he's just that used to fighting against himself.
When Akira brushes the bangs from his face, his cheeks darken the tiniest bit, and then he reaches up, returning the gesture. There's a small smile on his lips as he does. ]
Akira will, uh, politely avert his gaze while he undresses himself? And when he's looking back...An
Oh my.
Don't get distracted, Akira.
...ah. He can feel that internal struggle. That's...
God, this level of self destructiveness makes Akira's stomach twist. He just continues to gently instill that security and calm— it's okay, there's no need to fight...
And the returned gesture and smile has a bit of a blush of his own rising to his cheeks, gaze softening considerably. His hand comes up and takes the god's, giving a squeeze.
Being so bisexual is hard, isn't it? Big mood, Akira. Apollon can't help the quiet laugh that slips out, some amusement blossoming, even if there's still the struggle within.
It's difficult, letting go, but he very gradually does. His breath softly catches when Akira takes his hand, and he can feel his eyes threatening to sting - a dim ache surfaces, and he takes a deep breath.
Still, he lets his hand stay in the human's. The security and calm certainly help... They help more and more, the longer Akira persists.
After a moment, he finally does relax completely. He holds a blink, tugging Akira's hand to his lips, pressing a kiss to the knuckles. ]
[Wtf... there's a small huff at that, shut up Apollon...
Even if that quiet laugh tickles his eardrums and makes him yearn to hear more: a light-hearted, genuine laugh from deep within.
Ah... there's so much pain. Even this little contact has... so much yearning and grief attached with it.
So much damage in his heart...
... oh. His face is definitely turning red at the kiss to his knuckles, breath catching softly. He doesn't pull away at all, instead offering a gentle smile.]
[ He yawns, sleepiness finally taking over, relaxation working its magic. ]
Wake me up if you're not comfortable sharing a bed with me, all right? Don't let me steal it. I can always move...
[ Another yawn as he somewhat snuggles into the pillow, a gentle smile - a genuine one, for once - surfacing. He's going to be dozing off in a matter of seconds, after that. ]
He slowly withdraws his hand, watching the god sleep for a moment. Hopefully, the peaceful way he went to sleep means there's less of a trigger for nightmares to occur, but...
Akira will stay here anyway, just in case. He never used his powers on a sleeping person before, but he doesn't see why he shouldn't be able to...]
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feels_manager
Apollon / MockMurder
Date: 2019-11-19 07:18 pm (UTC)I wouldn't force you to say anything you're not comfortable saying, even if I could.
[He turns to Apollo and gently takes his hands again, leading him to sit on the bed with Akira.]
I'm just worried. And I think, from the little I know of you... that you would be too if someone you cared about called themselves "useless".
(no subject)
Date: 2019-11-19 08:22 pm (UTC)He doesn't fight any of it, and Akira probably can feel that he's absolutely welcoming all of this physical contact between them. He'd even welcome more, to be frank. ]
Ah...
[ There's no surprise at Akira blatantly implying he cares about him. If anything, there's a sad kind of smile as he looks away. ]
You don't need to worry about me, Akira... [ a flurry of guilt and the heaviness of depression ] It's for the better that you don't. Better for you not to...
(no subject)
Date: 2019-11-19 08:34 pm (UTC)[He absolutely can feel how he welcomes the physical contact, so... he lets go of his hands and wraps his arms around him once more, gently firming the embrace.]
I'm here for you, Apollon. And I'm not going anywhere.
(no subject)
Date: 2019-11-19 08:50 pm (UTC)Akira...
[ Try as he might, there's no helping the brief tremble as he continues to look away. His voice is a whisper. ]
... You're making a mistake.
(no subject)
Date: 2019-11-19 08:57 pm (UTC)His tone is calm and warm as he responds:]
I'm okay with that.
(no subject)
Date: 2019-11-19 10:22 pm (UTC)Don't...
[ Though, even now, there's something gentle within that single word. He very genuinely doesn't want to hurt Akira. There's so much fear and self-loathing within him as he slowly pulls away. ]
You don't understand, but it's really better that my emotions are left as they are. This is what I-...
[ He releases a shallow breath. ]
I should really go.
[ Even though he doesn't entirely want to. ]
(no subject)
Date: 2019-11-20 12:31 am (UTC)It's not an overly firm hold; if Apollon really put the effort in, he could break free of it. It's just enough, a softly unspoken command: Stay.]
I don't understand. But that's why I brought you here. Because I want to.
[He rubs a slow circle into Apollon's back.]
Please help me understand.
(no subject)
Date: 2019-11-20 01:26 am (UTC)A quiet sound slips out, almost like a whimper, but he clenches his jaw and holds a blink, falling quiet for a moment. ]
You're a very stubborn person. Very stubborn for friends. That's why they picked you to help people. But some- Not everyone deserves help.
Some deserve to suffer.
[ Another shaky breath escapes. ]
Deserve to live with their sins.
[ He's curling into himself a little, sounding more desperate. ]
So... stop this.
(no subject)
Date: 2019-11-20 01:40 am (UTC)He holds a blink, swallowing thickly at that pain and at the words. He continues to rub Apollon's back.]
Some people do.
[He agrees.]
People who don't understand the weight of their sins... People who destroy others and find pleasure in it... Those are the kinds of people that deserve to suffer.
And then some people are just too hard on themselves, full of regret of things they wish they could've done differently.
Those are the people who deserve help.
(no subject)
Date: 2019-11-21 07:30 pm (UTC)... Yet he doesn't entirely feel surprised. Maybe at just how it feels to hear them said - he knew Akira would be like this, but that didn't tell him much about how he'd be towards him. He can't, after all, see his own future the same way he can see that of others.
Now he's shaking his head, pulling back completely. ]
Don't!
[ There's desperation in that word, and he's trembling as he moves to stand. To just... put space between them. That's what he needs, right? ]
I don't deserve that-! [ tears starting to pour down his face, and it hurts... so much ] Happiness... understanding...
You don't understand. I didn't come here to find that... [ a quiet sob slipping out as he turns to hurry over to the door ] I came to erase it!
[ His pain is not the bitter kind nor is it something that burns. It's something crushing, suffocating... and very dark. ]
(no subject)
Date: 2019-11-22 01:10 am (UTC)The same time that Apollon starts to cry, tears start flowing from his own eyes. His brow creases, pain clear on his own face. Pain for Apollon.
The words that come next squeeze his heart in a vice grip. His expression practically crumples. And the pain... This dark pain... Has him blinking hard and taking in an unsteady breath as he gets up off the bed.]
Apollon... wait.
[He swallows thickly.]
... I want it.
[He looks at him, tears still rolling down his cheeks.]
Regardless of your deserving it, I want you to be happy. I want you to understand you.
I like when you smile, and I want to see one from the heart.
(no subject)
Date: 2019-11-23 02:54 am (UTC)You don't even know me...
[ It's partially sobbed out. In the next moment, he's gripping his chest, and it looks like he's in pain. He releases a slow, shaky breath. ]
Please stop...
[ Well, that's all he gets out, voice trembling, before he collapses suddenly.
You could say
he's out like a light. ]
(no subject)
Date: 2019-11-24 12:54 am (UTC)Akira's breath catches as he collapses. Unfortunately, he isn't quite fast enough to catch him... but, he does immediately come to his side, hand reaching out to gently cradle his head.]
Hey...!
(no subject)
Date: 2019-11-29 08:25 pm (UTC)There's a quiet sound as he reaches for his head, and then looks up at Akira. ]
Ah...
[ Immediately, his cheeks are flushing and he looks away, clearly embarrassed by how he was acting. ]
... Exhaustion. I haven't been sleeping well.
[ Which is to say he wants Akira to understand that this isn't his fault. Nevermind that it's clear he's holding something back there - like how he actually hasn't been sleeping, at all. He moves to sit up. For now, he doesn't say anything else. ]
(no subject)
Date: 2019-11-29 08:34 pm (UTC)... c'mon.
[He's moving to help the god up.]
At least let me help you get some proper sleep.
[He sounds pretty firm about this— he's determined to help Apollon one way or another.]
(no subject)
Date: 2019-11-29 08:41 pm (UTC)After a moment of what looks and feels to be internal wrestling, he nods. ]
All right. I'll accept that...
(no subject)
Date: 2019-11-29 08:50 pm (UTC)There's a glance to that expression, and the tiredness he sees there seems to go soul-deep. His hand comes up to rub the blond's back.]
So what's disturbing your sleep the most?
(no subject)
Date: 2019-11-29 09:06 pm (UTC)He hesitates just for a moment before lying down - shoes off first, of course, and after giving Akira a small smile in response to the hand on his back.
There's a lot of hesitance before he answers the question. It's glaringly obvious that he's feeling like even this is far more than he deserves. ]
... Nightmares.
(no subject)
Date: 2019-11-29 09:25 pm (UTC)... yeah, it really is obvious, and it hurts. Akira may not know the god well at all, but he has a gut feeling: there's a good person in there, somewhere, who needs help. A good person who is so resolutely loyal to whatever ideals he has that he can't bear to forgive himself of his transgressions of them.
There's a painful desire within Akira to dampen some of that self-loathing, and maybe if he wasn't a god, he would. Just enough to get him to accept Akira's help.
A gentle nod.]
Okay. Make yourself comfortable.
[He can get under then sheets if he needs to, or get into whatever position is most comfortable for him.
And then Akira takes a seat next to him and begins to soothe his emotions. Anxiety or worry— emotions of this nature will be dampened while a sense of security and calm are coaxed within him.
He reaches out, gently brushing some of the bangs out of Apollon's face. Quietly, he prays that part of this horrible depression stems from the lack of sleep he's gotten. Maybe, once he's fully rested, he would be more open to getting the help he needs.
But he isn't counting on it.]
(no subject)
Date: 2019-11-29 10:11 pm (UTC)After loosely folding that, he'll set it next to him and lie back down. He closes his eyes, taking a deep breath.
It's after those negative feelings seem to shift out of the picture, gradually replaced with some calm and security, there's... a brief struggle against it for now. It's actually not altogether intentional - more like he's just that used to fighting against himself.
When Akira brushes the bangs from his face, his cheeks darken the tiniest bit, and then he reaches up, returning the gesture. There's a small smile on his lips as he does. ]
(no subject)
Date: 2019-11-29 10:24 pm (UTC)Oh, my.
Akira will, uh, politely avert his gaze while he undresses himself? And when he's looking back...An
Oh my.
Don't get distracted, Akira.
...ah. He can feel that internal struggle. That's...
God, this level of self destructiveness makes Akira's stomach twist. He just continues to gently instill that security and calm— it's okay, there's no need to fight...
And the returned gesture and smile has a bit of a blush of his own rising to his cheeks, gaze softening considerably. His hand comes up and takes the god's, giving a squeeze.
Akira will help him. No matter what.]
(no subject)
Date: 2019-11-29 10:31 pm (UTC)Being so bisexual is hard, isn't it? Big mood, Akira. Apollon can't help the quiet laugh that slips out, some amusement blossoming, even if there's still the struggle within.
It's difficult, letting go, but he very gradually does. His breath softly catches when Akira takes his hand, and he can feel his eyes threatening to sting - a dim ache surfaces, and he takes a deep breath.
Still, he lets his hand stay in the human's. The security and calm certainly help... They help more and more, the longer Akira persists.
After a moment, he finally does relax completely. He holds a blink, tugging Akira's hand to his lips, pressing a kiss to the knuckles. ]
Thank you, Akira...
(no subject)
Date: 2019-11-29 10:44 pm (UTC)Even if that quiet laugh tickles his eardrums and makes him yearn to hear more: a light-hearted, genuine laugh from deep within.
Ah... there's so much pain. Even this little contact has... so much yearning and grief attached with it.
So much damage in his heart...
... oh. His face is definitely turning red at the kiss to his knuckles, breath catching softly. He doesn't pull away at all, instead offering a gentle smile.]
Sweet dreams, Apollon.
(no subject)
Date: 2019-11-30 01:05 am (UTC)Wake me up if you're not comfortable sharing a bed with me, all right? Don't let me steal it. I can always move...
[ Another yawn as he somewhat snuggles into the pillow, a gentle smile - a genuine one, for once - surfacing. He's going to be dozing off in a matter of seconds, after that. ]
(no subject)
Date: 2019-11-30 01:24 am (UTC)He slowly withdraws his hand, watching the god sleep for a moment. Hopefully, the peaceful way he went to sleep means there's less of a trigger for nightmares to occur, but...
Akira will stay here anyway, just in case. He never used his powers on a sleeping person before, but he doesn't see why he shouldn't be able to...]