[You were clinging and he wasn't sure when or if you planned to let go. Don't judge him.]
Mm. It's safer. They don't deserve to be tangled up in this mess.
[El swats gently at that poking finger.]
Sounds like too much effort.
[He's joking.]
If you think Tiernan was easy, you are very wrong. I'm not... against finding other ways to cope. Change is literally my religion. I just haven't had much luck so far.
For not being against it, you sounded awfully uncertain just then. Just saying.
[A thoughtful hum.]
I mean... that's kind of what coping is, isn't it? Being resistant to change? Wouldn't it be more true to your religion to accept it rather than get upset about the inevitable?
[He looks away.]
Granted... I'm not saying you shouldn't feel upset. Grieving is natural. Just food for thought, I suppose.
[There might be something a touch defeated slipping into his tone.]
Calling something inevitable implies it to be an event that cannot be changed. So I sort of reject the actual concept of inevitability.
[He doesn't like that defeated tone, though. He sighs quietly and rubs at his face with one hand.]
I am changing, anyway. Me, Tiernan... If I weren't, I wouldn't be here, talking to you. You'd be dealing with Tiernan, or maybe already left in tears because you couldn't deal with Tiernan. Before the sky island game, I hadn't spoken to anyone directly since the day I put Tiernan in place. And that was years ago.
[He's looking quietly at the door, and then he slowly looks back to Elthinion. The smile he gives is shaky and weak.]
Heh... I know. [He holds a blink.] It's not exactly as if I can blame you. I'm eighteen years old, so what do I know about life or emotions?
[He looks away.] My powers don't make me more qualified than anyone else. I can talk big all I want, and then I turn around and emotionally torture Satan themselves...
[His shoulders jerk a little, and his eyes begin to water again.] When I met you— when I met Tiernan, I didn't trust you— him. [He's clearly struggling with this a little.] ... he kind of scared me, honestly. But then when I saw his heart's image... [He blinks, and some of the tears fall.] .. I guess that's when I saw you. You were so concerned for me after what had happened.
I felt like y—... Tiernan wasn't so bad after all. [He draws his legs up close to him and hugs them.] And the more I got to know him, the more I admired him. He seemed so sharp and analytical and calm in the midst of all the chaos.
[A sniff as more tears fall. His grip on himself tightens.] I guess it kind of felt like a sibling relationship, in a way. Him, the protective, helpful older brother... me, the plucky, naive younger brother.
... and why would an older brother listen to the words of his kid brother? After all, he probably knows better.
[He takes off his glasses and rubs at his eyes with an arm, falling quiet. If anything, he looks a little bewildered. He doesn't usually open up to anyone with his problems like this, but here he was, spilling his heart to Elthinion...]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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... someone else?
[El... El please.]
We should expand your repertoire of coping mechanisms, then.
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Not a 'still me' someone else, an actual other person. But I'm not sure I want to tempt fate or universe-jumpers with specifics.
[Look. Look. At least he's trying.]
You make that sound a lot easier than I've found it to be so far, 'Kira.
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He raises his eyebrow.] Yeah?
[He gives a huff as he pulls back to sit cross-legged on the bed, poking El in the chest.]
Usually, the things worth making an effort for... take effort. [Shocking, he knows.]
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Mm. It's safer. They don't deserve to be tangled up in this mess.
[El swats gently at that poking finger.]
Sounds like too much effort.
[He's joking.]
If you think Tiernan was easy, you are very wrong. I'm not... against finding other ways to cope. Change is literally my religion. I just haven't had much luck so far.
no subject
[A thoughtful hum.]
I mean... that's kind of what coping is, isn't it? Being resistant to change? Wouldn't it be more true to your religion to accept it rather than get upset about the inevitable?
[He looks away.]
Granted... I'm not saying you shouldn't feel upset. Grieving is natural. Just food for thought, I suppose.
[There might be something a touch defeated slipping into his tone.]
no subject
[El makes a little wobbly gesture at the rest.]
Calling something inevitable implies it to be an event that cannot be changed. So I sort of reject the actual concept of inevitability.
[He doesn't like that defeated tone, though. He sighs quietly and rubs at his face with one hand.]
I am changing, anyway. Me, Tiernan... If I weren't, I wouldn't be here, talking to you. You'd be dealing with Tiernan, or maybe already left in tears because you couldn't deal with Tiernan. Before the sky island game, I hadn't spoken to anyone directly since the day I put Tiernan in place. And that was years ago.
no subject
Heh... I know. [He holds a blink.] It's not exactly as if I can blame you. I'm eighteen years old, so what do I know about life or emotions?
[He looks away.] My powers don't make me more qualified than anyone else. I can talk big all I want, and then I turn around and emotionally torture Satan themselves...
[His shoulders jerk a little, and his eyes begin to water again.] When I met you— when I met Tiernan, I didn't trust you— him. [He's clearly struggling with this a little.] ... he kind of scared me, honestly. But then when I saw his heart's image... [He blinks, and some of the tears fall.] .. I guess that's when I saw you. You were so concerned for me after what had happened.
I felt like y—... Tiernan wasn't so bad after all. [He draws his legs up close to him and hugs them.] And the more I got to know him, the more I admired him. He seemed so sharp and analytical and calm in the midst of all the chaos.
[A sniff as more tears fall. His grip on himself tightens.] I guess it kind of felt like a sibling relationship, in a way. Him, the protective, helpful older brother... me, the plucky, naive younger brother.
... and why would an older brother listen to the words of his kid brother? After all, he probably knows better.
[He takes off his glasses and rubs at his eyes with an arm, falling quiet. If anything, he looks a little bewildered. He doesn't usually open up to anyone with his problems like this, but here he was, spilling his heart to Elthinion...]